I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm like, not good at living.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
