so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
