Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
