I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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