i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The adults are the big ones right?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
