i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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