just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
