when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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