Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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