Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My ATM looks so different sober.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
