the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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