hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
