Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
