At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
