Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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