we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
