she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
