Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
