You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
