Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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