so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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