He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
