yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
