No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
