I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
