he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
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