Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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