I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You don't make any sense
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