I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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