bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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