He uses pillows to masturbate.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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