How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
