Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
