high people should be assigned attendants
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
