it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
