there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
