Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
