Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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