walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
