My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize