There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
