last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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