he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
