I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
