Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
