some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize