I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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