He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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