Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
