That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Randomize
