did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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