So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
