Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
