Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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