The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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