We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
