No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
