do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
