On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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