Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
