i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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