Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We had to coat check the pizza.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
