apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
