piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
