Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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