I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
