I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
