It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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