She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
