dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
