I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
