i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
