Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Do vagina's smell?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
