there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
