I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
