i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
