My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
