Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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