i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
