I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
