my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
