Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
