Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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